i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize