just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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