we have officially lost it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
