Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
