the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
