She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
