after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
