Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
