Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
