did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
