i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't deserve a penis
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
