Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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