How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
