I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
