I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
