he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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