I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
