Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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