who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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