u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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