I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
