I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
