Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
