Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
