No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
