So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
