doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
