she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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