Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
