Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
