I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
