the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
