you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
