I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
