if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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