i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
