yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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