Porn is love you can see.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
