Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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