dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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