The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
