I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
