she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
