I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
