I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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