people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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