i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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