It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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