yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
