I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
