Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
