To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
