im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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