You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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