did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
