yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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