this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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