I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
