you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
