does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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