I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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