Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
