So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have already put on my inside pants.
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