I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
