going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
