I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
