I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize