3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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