"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize