I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
