i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
