Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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