Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
