i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
