I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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