the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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